Remembering

This morning, before I opened my eyes, I felt dread.

Last year on the last day of January, our neighbors' little girl died unexpectedly.

Though we have many happy memories of her, today what I'm feeling is sadness.

I remember the grief of her Family.
I think about tragedy.
I realize anew how Life can shift from ordinary to emergency in just one breath.

Several of you have asked me about what caused C's death.

Some have wondered how the family is coping.

The coroner ruled that C, who had just celebrated her 5th birthday the month before, died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). This seems impossible to us, but that was the official finding. A healthy child, she stopped breathing sometime just prior to when her parents tried to awaken her for preschool. There was no warning, no sound, no hint that she was taking her last breath. Though the medics managed to restart her heart, the beat could not be sustained. She died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. 

Right after C's death, the Family left their house in our neighborhood and stayed near relatives in Florida.
They returned briefly in the spring, but they could not live in the house where their child died.
They moved with their other daughter, now three, to a college town several hours away.

I've suffered losses, but none as searing and scarring as the death of a child.

Life goes on.

But,
sometimes, it's irrevocably altered.

I'm remembering a bright, imaginative, loving child.
Some of her favorite things were:

the color pink
magic wands
fairies

We still have the wands given to us at her Remembrance Service.
Now, our Grandchildren wave them to make magic. 

We think C would approve. 

A Colorado Blue Sky - Skywatch Friday

There's nothing quite like a CO blue sky in the winter.

Imperial Peak, Breckenridge Ski Area, from my house

Today, my friend  Barb S and I skied with a "Rat Pack" of guys.

We skied up high in bright sunshine under a cloudless sky.

The contrast of the stark white peaks against the vivid blue sky draws the eye upward.

I think it also lifts the spirit.

Two Barbs at top of 6 Chair, Breckenridge Ski Area
Don't worry - I just took my gloves off to take these pics.
The sun is warm but not that warm!

I noticed we couldn't stop smiling.

Barb S celebrates her 75th Birthday in February.
She's an amazing woman: active, fit, and upbeat.
Happy Birthday Barb S!

Join others celebrating their skies at

Skywatch Friday

Snow Dance Worked! Our World

Finally, with people all over the World dancing a Snow Dance with me:

Fooled around with color processing here - I like the green

SNOW!

Bob climbing on Burro Trail

We went out to play on touring skis while it was still gusting and snowing.

Sometimes snow pillows dropped on our heads.

Tried for a vintage look here (after all - I AM vintage!)

The foot of new snow was delightfully fluffy.

We have scales on the bottom of the skis.
In new snow, the scales make it easier to climb.
They grab and hold so we don't slide backward.

Yippee! The most fun is gliding downhill. (And if you fall, new snow is nice and soft.)

Vintage processing for Bob

All who did the Snow Dance should now rest until I must call on you again.
Also, if anyone doesn't want the snow they have, send it to us!

Have some fun by visiting others from around the World:

Our World

Where Did Winter GO - Breckenridge, CO

Rain in Breckenridge in January?

Drizzle in town and purple cloud over mountain just after sunset, 1/18/12

I moved to Summit County, CO, from PA over 22 years ago.
Normally, by January, we have so much snow it's impossible to navigate the forest trails without snowshoes or skis.

Bob walking to town on Burro Trail

However, temperatures hovered in the 40's for the past several days.
This morning, we walked four miles roundtrip from our house into town to get the mail. 

We wore lightweight jackets and running shoes.

Barb on bridge over Lehman Creek, still running ice-free

It feels like spring in the middle of winter!
It's nice but not what you'd expect at high altitude in January.

Breckenridge Ski Area from Base of Peak 9

Supposedly, a blizzard is heading our way.
I don't think my snow dance is working, but I still haven't given up hope.
Is anyone else having this weird weather?

Backcountry Snowshoe, Breckenridge, CO - Our World

We hiked into the backcountry on our snowshoes yesterday to avoid weekend/MLK holiday crowds.

My 20 year old Redfeather running snowshoes

I use my lightweight snowshoes for hiking when the snow isn't too deep.

Peak 10 viewed from Beaver Pond (self portrait)

We hiked along the south flank of Peak 10.

Lehman Creek with only a thin skin of ice

Not even the tiniest trees are covered by our meager snow.
Snowpack is 33% below normal.

Bob stepped carefully across the snow bridge.
Luckily, it held us!

Willow bushes stand starkly without a winter blanket.

Up and up we go, along the creek.
Except for the crunch of the snow and the icy gurgle of the stream:
Silence

If you've never snowshoed, you might enjoy this 49 second video.

Our World

Skiing by Wolf Moon - Skywatch

At high altitude in Colorado's Rocky Mountains, a deep indigo darkness falls after sunset.

Since there is very little light pollution,
the wilderness behind our house is an impenetrable mystery at night.
That's when animals hunt and forage, unseen and undisturbed by humans.

Only on full moon nights, is there a pale, ghostly light.
During the Wolf Moon on January 9,
we ventured into the forest after dark on our touring skis.

We followed the tracks of coyotes and foxes
as our breath formed halos in the frigid air.

With the Wolf Moon guiding us, the only sound was
the sing-song buzz and creak of our skis cutting through the icy snow.

We stayed outside for two hours, enchanted by the moon's glow.
By the time we saw the lights of our house through the woods,
we were ready to leave the forest to the animals.
We wanted to sit by the fire with mugs of hot chocolate
and talk about our full moon adventure.

Visit Skywatch Friday to enjoy other skies from all around the World!

Reflecting - Two Years after Heart Attack

On January 8, 2010, I had a heart attack. Unknown to me, I tore the inside of a major artery leading into my heart while skiing the previous day. The resulting blood clot caused the heart attack (read about it here). I've learned that my torn artery is a very rare occurrence called spontaneous coronary artery dissection (SCAD). It affects predominately women, most often happening to young women just after childbirth. Others are affected after strenuous exercise. In still others no cause is found. There is no way of predicting who will experience SCAD and if it will recur, so people who have had a tear must live with no real answers as to why and if it will happen again. Some do not survive the first episode. My cardiologist says I'm very lucky. We surmise that mine tore while struggling to free my skis when I fell in deep snow in the bowl off Peak 10. He says if the heart attack had occurred at the time of the tear instead of many hours later, the outcome may have been different.

For two years, I've been healing, both physically and emotionally, from that tear and heart attack. I went from a fit, healthy 65 year old to a frightened, diminished woman. Prior to the episode, I took only supplements. Afterward, I filled a pill box with all the meds I needed morning and night to heal my heart and keep more blood clots from forming around the stent that was placed to repair the tear. Every twinge felt like the end of my life.

Close observation and listening are my strengths. These traits have served me well during the healing process. Over months and now years, I've paid attention to my body, built my strength, and listened to both my body and to my emotions. I made a decision shortly after the heart attack to eventually try to get off pharmaceuticals, which have their own negative side effects.  I'm fortunate to have great doctors who spend time answering my questions and guiding me. At the end of November, with my cardiologist's blessings, I was weaned from the last of my drugs. Beginning the new year, my body finally feels like my own once again.

Each of us is on a path from birth that leads finally to death. I can't speak for others, but for at least a year after my heart attack, I worried constantly about the journey, afraid that it might come to an abrupt end. Finally, I learned these lessons: Worry doesn't lead to a better or a happier life. Stressing about something out of human control is futile.

So, now I try to focus on the positive: I exercise strenuously every day, eat healthy foods, maintain close, caring relationships with others, and pause to meditate and give thanks. Life is never on hold - it's what's happening right now. I'm trying to release the fear I harbored after the attack so I can be present NOW and really, truly live a life of meaning in the time I have left.

On this second year I'm pausing briefly to reflect, thinking of all the people who have lifted me up, carried me when necessary, and allowed me to stand once again on my own two feet. Many of you who have become friends through this blog have shown me kindness and given me hope. Thank You! My heart is full today with gratitude. Thankfully, it's beating strongly.

My Blog friend, George, wrote a wonderful post recently about "Loving One's Fate."  He's a talented artist/photographer and a writer who always stimulates my thinking. I thank him for helping me to reflect about my own fate. Treat yourself by visiting his blog.

Pewter winter sky while cross country skiing, Breckenridge, CO

Hiking Black Powder Pass summer 2011 with my dear friend, Barb S

Starting Fresh - 2012

I'm waking from a long blog rest.

It's the dawn of a New Year.

Amanda Riding Flower

The month of December galloped by.

Caden Skiing

Remembering, I find myself smiling a lot.

Hoarfrost Along the Blue River

The outdoors is my refuge.

I spend lots of time with people I love.

Alone in Nature, I'm small. (But, I cast a large shadow.)

Many times I think of you. 

I send a wish for your well-being.

 I hope for one good thing for you.

Fireworks at Breckenridge Ski Area

I celebrate Family and Friendship.
I celebrate Nature.
I celebrate Life.
I celebrate YOU.
Happy 2012!

Today, I updated the books I completed in 2011 (on sidebar) and realized that I've read 52 books in one year. Reading is one of my greatest pleasures. I'm thankful for words, for the ability to communicate, and for the creative world of the imagination. These gifts were given to me when I was a child. I try not to take them for granted, and I try my best to gift them once again to others.